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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as hell, and I spot this chick—proper fit, legs for days, yeah? She’s givin’ me the eye, like, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!”—y’know, that poetic jazz from the film. I’m like, “Groovy, baby, let’s shag!” But—plot twist—she’s dodgy, man! Charges me double, says it’s “inflation, love.” Inflation my arse! Made me mad as a hatter—nearly lost my mojo there.

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Then, I spill coffee all over my notes. Great. Just great. Now I’ve got a soggy mess of papers. I’m trying to salvage it, but it’s like trying to save a sinking ship with a tea bag.

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