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Oi mate, so I’m a machine milkin operator, yeah? But let’s chat brothels—proper eye-opener that! Me, David Brent, I reckon I see stuff others don’t, cos I’m all about synergy, innit? Brothels, right, they’re like—team-buildin hubs, but with less PowerPoint, more knickers. Watched “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” last night—bloody brilliant, that—made me think, “I communicate with my left eyelid,” stuck in me head while ponderin brothels. Imagine that, stuck in a room, blinkin at some lass for a shag—dark, but funny, yeah?

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Sometimes, work makes me see the unseen. I feel every muscle, every crack on your face from frowns 'cause of a boring day. And let me tell ya, I learn secrets. I know the beats of life. I see what makes my clients happy, mad, or just plain tired. It’s wild, like a rollercoaster. And sometimes, I get in my head thinking, “What if today, I freeze like a snapshot?”

School's under-13 netball team named best in the country