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Yo, yo, it’s Yeezy, fam! Sexual-massage, man, it’s wild, right? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—like, who even invented this? Some genius, prolly, back in the day, tryna loosen up the vibes. I see it, real talk, like Sam and Suzy in *Moonrise Kingdom*, sneakin’ off, feelin’ free, y’know? “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ wild”—that’s the energy, bro! Sexual-massage got that same rebel soul, breakin’ rules, makin’ you feel alive.

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Finally, I get my meat. But then, I step outside, and it’s like a scene from a movie. A seagull swoops down and snatches my sausage roll right outta my hand! I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, who knew seagulls had such guts? I’m pretty sure that bird’s got a better diet than I do now.

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