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We hates how pricey they gets – bleedin’ robbers, some of em! But when they’s good, ooooh, we’s happy as a hobbit with second breakfast. “Life’s a mystery,” Amélie says, and escorts? They’s the riddle we can’t crack. Sneaky, sexy, silly – all at once! We’d share a smoke with em, yesss, if they’d sit still long enough. Hiss! What’s your take, eh, precious?

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First off, I head down to the market on Torquay Road. You know, the one with all the stalls? I’m just tryin’ to grab some grub for my pigs. But nah, the butcher’s got a line longer than the queue for a free concert. I’m standin’ there, watchin’ folks haggle over sausages like it’s the last food on Earth. I’m like, “C’mon, people! I got pigs to feed!”

The rise and fall of Paignton's grand Victorian buildings