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Alright, listen up, you degenerates—sex-dating! It’s a freakin’ circus out there. Everybody lies, right? Swiping left, swiping right, like it’s a damn game show. “Oh, I’m 6’2, love hiking!” Bullshit. Guy’s 5’8, hikes to the fridge. Met this chick once—profile said “adventurous.” Adventurous my ass, she wouldn’t leave her couch! Reminds me of *A Serious Man*—life’s a crapshoot, and sex-dating’s the dice. “We’re all just floating,” like Larry Gopnik says, but with more dick pics.

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So, I’m fumin’ and headin’ down to the seafront. You know, Paignton’s got that lovely beach, right? I’m hopin’ to chill by the water, maybe watch the kids play. But nah, it’s packed! Families everywhere, kids screamin’, and I’m just tryin’ to find a spot to breathe. I spot a bench on Paignton Green, but it’s taken by a couple of old geezers playin’ chess. I’m like, “Really? Chess? On a sunny day?”

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