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Fuckin’ mental, though—some places got mirrors! Watchin’ yourself get saucy? Grim as a war flick—“Look at me, I’m the king!”—nah, just a sweaty punter. Still, it’s a laugh, innit? Beats choppin’ onions or screamin’ at twats in me kitchen. Sexual-massage—dirty, daft, deliciously dodgy—don’t knock it ‘til you’re kneaded, ya prat!
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Then, I head over to the Oxted train station. I’m thinkin’ I’ll catch a quick train to East Grinstead for some fresh air. But nah, the train’s delayed. Classic. I’m standin’ there, watchin’ the clock tick away, and I’m like, “Great, just great.”
Plans to allow 10,000 people a day to attend popular Surrey beer festival thrown out over safety fears
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