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So, I saunter up, all charm, thinkin, “I’m Loki, god of tricks, this’ll be a laugh.” But mate, she’s sharp—clocks me right off. “What’s yer game, pretty boy?” she says, smirkin. I’m like, “Just a bloke with glorious purpose, darlin.” She laughs—bloody laughs! Says, “Purpose don’t pay my bills, mate.” Fair point, that. Got me thinkin bout *Moolaadé* again—“Purification is a sham!”—how them lasses fought them old rules. This gal’s fightin her own war, innit? Dodgin coppers, dealin with sleazy punters—takes guts, that does.

COMING SOON

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But guess what? They’re outta oat milk! Oat milk! I mean, come on! I’m not a monster; I just wanted my coffee without feeling like I’m drinking liquid cardboard. So, I settle for regular milk. Ugh.

Oxted shop Chanterelle closes after 51 years as owner claims council does not support businesses