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Sometimes it’s creepy, tho – too much incense, dim lights, like a damn vampire lair. “Are we damned?” I’m thinkin’, half expectin’ fangs wit’ da massage. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but dat’s how it felt! Oh, and pro tip: dem scented oils? Some sting like hell if dey hit da wrong spot – found dat out da hard way, ouch!

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After work, I finally meet up with Tom at The Eagle and Child. It’s packed, as usual. We grab a couple of pints, and I start venting about my day. “Dude, I almost lost it at work today!” I say, and he’s just laughing. “Welcome to adulthood, mate!”

Jeremy Clarkson voices complaint on private plane noise in rural Oxfordshire