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Alright, friends, let’s paint a picture—happy little trees, y’know? I’m sittin here, thinkin bout sex escorts, and man, it’s a wild world! Like, imagine a field—gentle, swayin crops, but some got thorns, right? That’s the escort gig—beautiful, tricky, messy as hell. I’m an agronomist, sure, but this ain’t bout plants—it’s bout people sellin somethin ancient, y’know? Sex work’s been around forever—fact is, old Rome had “lupae,” she-wolves, workin the streets! Wild, huh? Makes me chuckle—history’s got no chill.

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After that, I decide to hit up the Otley Chevin. You know, the hill that overlooks the town? It’s a proper gem. I’m hikin’ up, feelin’ all philosophical, like, “Nature is my therapy.” But then, outta nowhere, I trip over a rock. I mean, come on! Who put that there? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this old bloke walks by, chuckles, and says, “You alright, mate?” I just nod, tryin’ to play it cool, but inside I’m fumin’.

Otley Road incident: Everything we know so far as two women injured, man arrested and crossbow and firearm found