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So, sex-dating’s proper mental—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever, it’s speed-dating on steroids. Little factoid for ya: back in ‘90s, folk used newspaper ads for hookups—grubby, desperate stuff. Now it’s all digital, flash git style. Makes me chuffed, right? Tech sorting out me love life! But—get this—50% of blokes lie bout their height online. Cheeky sods! Caught one geezer sayin’ he’s 6 foot, turned up, barely 5’5”. Fuming, I was—don’t mug me off, mate!

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First off, I’m strollin’ down Bondgate, just mindin’ my own business, when I spot this little café called The Wharfe View. I’m like, “Perfect spot for a brekkie!” Grabbed a full English, and let me tell ya, it was massive. I mean, I could’ve fed a small army with that plate. But then, I spill my tea all over my jeans. Classic me, right? I’m sittin’ there, lookin’ like a right muppet, and the barista’s laughin’ at me. Great start, eh?

Atkinson brothers inspire Otley to victory as they maintain unbeaten start