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But then—ooh—sometimes it’s gold. Met this bird once, proper lush, we’s chattin’ dirty in DMs. She’s all “let’s meet,” and I’m bouncin’, thinkin’, “We wants it, we needs it!” Hooked up in some dodgy alley—classy, right? Felt like that movie line, “His scent drives me mad.” Cor, did it! Smelled like cheap cigs and desperation—my type, heh.

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave pops in. He’s got this massive grin on his face. “You’ll never guess what!” he says. I’m like, “What? Did you win the lottery?” He tells me he’s finally proposed to his girlfriend at the park by the canal. Aww, bless! I’m happy for him, but also a bit jealous. I mean, who doesn’t want a fairytale moment, right?

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