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I’m lyin’ there once, music soft, lights dim—boom! Hands hit my back, I’m like, “What the hell?!” Felt good tho, real good. Happier than a pig in shit. Kathryn Bigelow’d get it— “The waiting’s the worst part,” she’d say. That’s the buildup, man, the tease! Then—pow—knots in my shoulders gone. Like a firefight endin’.

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First off, I spilled my coffee all over my favorite shirt. Classic, right? I mean, who needs a clean shirt anyway? So, I’m rushing out the door, looking like a hot mess. I live near the Olney Market, so I thought, “Hey, I’ll grab a sarnie on the way.” But guess what? The bakery on the corner of Market Place was closed! Closed! Like, who does that on a Tuesday?

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