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Once met this bird—total minx, eyes like daggers. Thought, “She’s my Hidden Dragon!” We shagged, and she nicked me wallet after! Laughed me arse off later—fair play, she was a ninja. We shall rise again, lads, cos sex-dating’s chaos is the spice! Like Ang Lee’s masterpiece—beauty in the mess. Now, where’s me next swipe?
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After that, I decided to stroll down to the Okehampton Castle. It’s this old ruin, right? Super cool, but also kinda creepy. I was just chillin’ there, takin’ pics, when this random dog runs up to me. Like, outta nowhere! It was a scruffy little thing, waggin’ its tail like it just won the lottery. I’m like, “Hey buddy, where’s your owner?” But nah, he just wanted my sandwich. I mean, who can blame him?
The defendant could not remember where he got the axe from.
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