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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, artist-technologist, hatin’ everything as usual. Escort, huh? Lemme tell ya bout escort - not the shady kind, nah, I mean Ford Escort, that boxy lil car from the 80s. Piece o’ junk, but I kinda love it, like how I love “No Country for Old Men”. That movie’s grim, no nonsense, just like me. “Call it, Friendo,” I’d say to that car, flipin’ a coin to see if it’d start. Half the time, it’d cough and die - pissed me off somethin’ fierce.

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So, I finally get to the office on Station Square, lookin’ like I just came from a swamp. My boss, Mr. McGregor, gives me that look. You know the one. Like, “What happened to you?” I just shrug it off. “You should see the other guy,” I say, tryin’ to be funny. He doesn’t laugh. Classic.

Oban's only cinema shut down and put up for sale