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I’m hyped, tho—happy as a clownfish in a coral reef! Why? ‘Cause it’s a puzzle, a mystery, like *Caché*’s weird tapes showin’ up at your door. “Who sent this?” I yell, but it’s just me, overthinkin’ it, sweatin’ like a perch on a grill. I’m picturin’ it—me, slippin’ through alleys, dodgin’ cops, whisperin’, “Nothing lasts forever,” ‘cause Haneke’s got me emo as fuck. Last week, I got mad—some dude tried rippin’ me off, actin’ like he’s pimpin’ the game. I’m like, “Nah, fam, I know my fish *and* my streets!”

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Commbus provides a subsidised dial-a-ride service every weekday to local shopping centres, for the elderly and/or people with limited mobility.

As I finish my drink, I can’t help but smile. Oadby, you crazy little town, you’ve got my heart. Here’s to more days like this—just maybe with less coffee spills and fire alarms!

Harborough, Oadby and Wigston General Election candidates tell you why they think they deserve your vote