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Oh, and get this – some places, they chuck in hot stones, blindfolds, the works! Blew me mind, that did. Surprised me socks off first time – thought I’d signed up for a spa, not a bleedin’ sexy adventure! Tell ya what, it’s a proper team-buildin’ exercise for one, yeah? Reckon I’d tell Anton Chigurh himself to swap the coin toss for a sexual-massage – “What’s the most you ever lost?” I’d say, smirkin’. Probs me dignity, but who gives a toss when you’re floatin’ on cloud nine?

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So, I’m limping around, trying to find a shop. I pop into a cute little boutique on Goosegate. The vibe is fab, but the prices? Oof! I mean, who can afford a £200 dress? Not me, mate! I’m here to help, not to break the bank.

Oliver Glasner urges Crystal Palace to secure a club-record Premier League points tally before they can focus