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Here’s a lil somethin’ ya might not know—back in the ‘90s, ‘fore apps, folks did “speed datin’” for sex hookups. Five minutes, bam, you’re sizin’ ‘em up like Yubaba judgin’ workers! Weird, huh? Nowadays, it’s all pics and “wyd” texts at 2 a.m. I reckon it’s faster, but damn, half these profiles lie worse’n Kamaji with his coal pile. “6 foot, fit”—yeah, right, more like 5’5” and a beer gut!

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After the fight, I’m riding high. I head to the pub on Church Street, the one with the best fish and chips in town. I’m celebrating with a pint, and guess who walks in? The girl! She’s smiling, and I’m like, “This day just keeps getting better.” We chat, and it turns out she’s into gladiators. Who knew?

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