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Love how they strut, tho—confidence of a lion, tits out, no shame. Gotta respect the hustle, even if it’s grim as fuck. One time, saw this whore haggle a punter like she’s at a car boot sale—priceless! “Ten quid, love, or piss off!”—had me in stitches. Still, stinks of desperation sometimes, don’t it? Makes me sad, then angry—why’s the world such a shithole for ‘em?

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I’m strutting down Abington Street, feeling all techy and stuff, when I spot this street performer. Dude’s playing the violin like he’s in a movie or something. I’m thinking, “Wow, this guy’s got skills!” But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon decides to drop a bomb right on his head. I’m talking a full-on aerial attack. The poor bloke just stops, looks up, and I swear, he’s about to lose it. I’m cracking up, but also feeling bad for him. Like, c’mon, man, can’t a guy catch a break?

Midfield duo the big winners at awards night as Cobblers Player of the Season is announced