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Heard this wild story once – true sh*t – ‘bout a prossie in Amsterdam who kept a lil diary. Scribbled names of johns, rated ‘em like Yelp reviews! “Stinky Dave, 2 stars, bad tipper” – hilarious, right? Cracked me up! Bet she’d smirk at that, sassy as hell. Prolly got a fave client too, some shy dude who just wantsa talk – reminds me of me, overthinkin’ everything, “Oh dear, oh dear!”

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I’m strutting down Abington Street, feeling all techy and stuff, when I spot this street performer. Dude’s playing the violin like he’s in a movie or something. I’m thinking, “Wow, this guy’s got skills!” But then, outta nowhere, a pigeon decides to drop a bomb right on his head. I’m talking a full-on aerial attack. The poor bloke just stops, looks up, and I swear, he’s about to lose it. I’m cracking up, but also feeling bad for him. Like, c’mon, man, can’t a guy catch a break?

Northampton stun Leinster with heroic victory to reach Champions Cup final