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This one time, I heard ‘bout this escort—real pro, worked the casinos in AC. Guy paid her to just sit there, lookin’ pretty while he lost at blackjack. Didn’t even touch her! What a stunad! I’m laughin’ my ass off thinkin’ bout it—wasted cash, no action. Reminds me of that line, “You’re a soldier, not a monk!”—ha! Coulda used that energy elsewhere, capisce?

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But then, I hear this loud honking. I look up, and it’s a bunch of geese. They’re just waddling across the road like they own the place. I’m like, “Excuse me, you feathered fools! I got work to do!” But they don’t care. They just keep strutting. I’m laughing now, can’t help it.

DIARY OF A GROUND HOPPER: Newcastle Blue Star 1-1 North Ferriby