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Back in Scranton, my buddy Tommy—oh, he was a riot—tried this sex-dating app once. Met a gal who said she’s “into antiques.” Shows up with a Civil War musket! Swear to God, he’s textin’ me, “Joe, she’s shootin’ blanks—literally!” Made me laugh ‘til I cried. Sex-dating’s got surprises, folks—keeps ya on your toes.

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So, I’m out there, tractor hummin’, and I’m feelin’ pretty good. The sun’s shining, birds are chirpin’, and I’m just vibin’. But then, I hit a rock. Not just any rock, a boulder! My tractor jolts, and I’m like, “What the actual heck?!” I jump out, and there it is, this massive stone just chillin’ in my path. I’m cursing like a sailor. “Who put this here?!” I swear, if I find the person who left it, I’m gonna have words.

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