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But here’s the rub—sex-datin’ ain’t all smooth sailin’. Ye get ghosted faster’n ye can say “parley!” This one time, chatted a gal fer weeks—thought she’s me Hans Landa, all clever n’ sly. Then poof! Gone! Felt like I’d been keel-hauled, mates—angry as a shark with no teeth! Did ye know, 1 in 3 swipers vanish without a word? True story, pulled that from the web’s murky depths!

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I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m fumin’. I mean, come on! Can’t a bodyguard do his job in peace? So, I walk over, and I’m like, “Oi! Chill out, yeah?” They look at me like I’m some kinda dinosaur. I’m thinkin’, “You lot have no idea who you’re messin’ with.”

Deputy Mayor