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Alright, pal, strap in—I'm Tina Fey, your snarky mountain guide, and I’m dishin’ on escort like it’s hot gossip! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a primo view of those sneaky trails up Escort Peak, this badass ridge in the Rockies nobody talks about. Escort, huh? Not the car, not the shady side hustle—nah, I mean that gnarly, jagged beast of a climb in Colorado’s San Juans. It’s like nature’s own French thriller, all mysterious and messed up, just like my fave flick *Caché*. “Who’s there?” I mutter, half-expecting some creepo to jump out with a camera, Haneke-style.

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So, I decided to head to the local pub, The Mearns Inn. I thought, “A pint will fix everything.” I ordered a lager and sat outside. The weather was nice, and I was finally starting to relax. But then, this group of rowdy lads came in, and they were LOUD. Like, I’m trying to enjoy my drink, and they’re shouting about football. I mean, I love football, but come on! Not at 3 PM on a Tuesday!

One of Scotland's most festive streets returns with spectacular display