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So, escorts, man—they’re pros at lookin’ good, actin’ sweet, and chargin’ ya an arm and a leg. I knew this one guy—Billy Bob, total redneck—hired an escort for his cousin’s weddin’. Thought he’d flex, ya know? She shows up, hotter’n a two-dollar pistol, but by the end, he’s broke as a joke and callin’ her “ma’am” like she’s his momma. Made me madder’n a wet hen—dude, you paid for THAT?! But I was laughin’ too, ‘cause he’s dumber’n a bag of hammers.

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First off, I’m tryna grab a coffee at that little spot on Commercial Street. You know the one? The barista’s got a face like he just woke up from a 10-year nap. I order my usual – flat white, extra shot. He looks at me like I just asked him to paint the Mona Lisa. Like, dude, it’s just coffee! Anyway, he messes it up. I get a cappuccino instead. Ugh.

Match Report | Newport County 1-4 Tranmere Rovers