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Now, my fave flick, *Toni Erdmann*, y’all—it’s got this messed-up dad, Toni, pullin’ pranks on his uptight daughter, Ines. Sex-dating’s kinda like that, ain’t it? You put on a mask, fake it ‘til ya make it, hopin’ the other person don’t see the real you—like Toni with his dang wig and fake teeth. “Who needs enemies when you’ve got family?” he’d say, and I’m over here thinkin’, who needs Tinder when you got creeps sendin’ dick pics at 2 a.m.?

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I get there, and it’s packed. Like, standing room only. I squeeze in, and the presenter starts talking about some heavy stuff. I’m trying to keep up, fingers flying, but then this guy in the back starts snoring. I mean, c’mon! You’re at a workshop, dude!

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