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Escort’s old as dirt, mate – fact! Back in Victorian times, them toffs had “companions,” sneaky like. Not just sex, nah, it’s chat, charm, arm candy shit. Blows me mind, how they juggle it. One time, read this story – some escort lass in London, 1800s, conned a duke outta his carriage! Ballsy, right? Made me cackle, proper loud.

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So, I head down to the marina. Newhaven’s got this vibe, man. The boats bobbing, the salty air, and the sound of seagulls (again, those pesky things). I’m feeling all philosophical, thinking about life and stuff. Then, outta nowhere, I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, trying to fish. He’s got this tiny rod, and I’m like, “Aww, bless him.” But then he hooks a boot! A freakin’ boot! He’s all excited, thinking it’s a fish. I can’t help but laugh. Kids, man. They make life interesting.

Newhaven's SCFL play-off bid is over after defeat to Peacehaven and Telscombe