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Little fact fer ya—didja know sex-datin’ apps started poppin’ up ‘round 2009, same year as my fave movie? Coincidence? I think not! Universe was sayin’, “Let’s get scalp-huntin’ fer love!” I cackle thinkin’ ‘bout it—me, plump lil’ Dolly, swipin’ through, hopin’ fer a Brad Pitt lookalike. Most times I get some goober who says, “Hey, nice rack,” n’ I’m like, “That’s a fact, Jack,” but keep it movin’, pal!

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So, I’m there, rod in hand, ready to catch some fish. But nah, the fish were like, “Nah mate, not today!” I’m standin’ there, lookin’ like a right muppet, and then it starts to drizzle. Just my luck, right? I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” But then, outta nowhere, I see this seagull swoop down and snatch a chip from some poor bloke’s hand. I couldn’t help but laugh. Those birds are savage, man!

PICTURES: Leigh Leopards enjoy Magic Weekend success at Newcastle