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Me fave movie, *Inherent Vice*, fits perfect here. Doc Sportello’d get it—stumblin’ through a haze, chasin’ tail, dodgy vibes everywhere. “She’s gone, man,” he’d say ‘bout some ghosted date. Sex-dating’s like that—half the time ya don’t even know who yer bangin’. Met this chick once, total Sortilège vibes—mystic, hot, batshit crazy. Thought she’d read my palms, ended up ridin’ me in a carpark. Next day? Poof! Gone like Shasta Fay. Pissed me off, precious, but damn, what a ride!

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So, I stroll down to the beach, and wow, the waves are crashing like they’re auditioning for a movie. I’m feeling all poetic, you know? But then I see this seagull. This cheeky little bugger swoops down and snatches my sarnie right outta my hand! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, come on! Who knew seagulls had such guts?

New playground with a unique lighthouse slide opens on the Northumberland coast