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About Birmingham

What pisses me off? When they skimp on the oil—dry hands scrapin’ my royal flesh? I’d have their heads on spikes faster than you can say “Kneel”. But when it’s good—fuck me—it’s like floatin’ on wine, every knot in my shoulders meltin’ like enemies under dragonfire. Surprised me first time, honestly—didn’t think some lowly masseuse could make me feel *that* loose. “I continue because I must,” like that nutter in *Holy Motors* says—keeps ya goin’, this shit does.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Front Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. I grab a cuppa and a bacon sarnie. Best brekkie ever! But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “You gotta come to the beach!” I’m thinking, “It’s 9 AM, mate!” But, of course, I’m in.

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