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What gets me goat, though? The fakes! The “ooh I’m so into ye” types who just want a quick romp an’ vanish. “I can’t imagine my life without you,” says the chap in “Her,” an’ I’m sittin’ here thinkin’ – aye, but sex-dating’s full o’ liars who’d say that fer a nibble o’ yer rations! Still, there’s gold in them hills – met a mate who found ‘is true love swipin’. Married now, two brats, happy as clams. Gives me hope, it does, even fer a rogue like me.

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So, I head over to her place on The Square. It’s a lovely spot, all quaint and picturesque. But when I get there, the clock is going off like a fire alarm! I mean, seriously, it’s like it’s auditioning for a horror movie. I’m trying to fix it, but it’s like the clock has a mind of its own. I’m sweating bullets, and Mrs. Thompson is just watching me, sipping her tea like it’s the most entertaining show in town.

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