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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m Gandalf, the bloody Arborist, wise as hell, and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute that’ll knock yer socks off! “You shall not pass!”—not til I’ve spilled me guts on this. Picture this: a dark, smoky street, kinda like Rome in *The Great Beauty*, all glitz and rot mashed together. Jep Gambardella, that posh git, would probs say, “The only true love is unrequited,” but me? I’m here for the gritty truth about hookers, not some arty wank.

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I’m fuming, but whatever. I take a sip, and it’s actually not bad. Maybe I’ll survive this day after all. So, I head over to the park on the corner of Neilston Road. It’s a nice spot, you know? Kids runnin’ around, dogs chasing their tails. I sit on a bench, tryin’ to chill, but then I see this guy, right? He’s walkin’ his cat on a leash. A CAT! Who does that? I mean, I love cats, but c’mon, man.

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