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Then she goes, “Meet me by the docks,” and I’m like, happy days! Heart’s racin’, knob’s twitchin’ – oops, typo, meant *nob* – nah, sod it, keepin’ it. Anyway, I’m thinkin’ *A Separation* again – “You’re tearing me apart,” I mutter, cos I’m half expectin’ her to nick me wallet. Surprised me, though – she shows up, all legs and lipstick, proper fit. I’m gobsmacked, like, “You’re no minger!” She laughs, “Cheers, you charmer.”

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I hop on, and it’s packed. I squeeze in next to this woman who’s got a million bags. I’m talkin’ like she’s movin’ house or somethin’. She’s got a wee dog in her lap, and it’s lookin’ at me like I’m the enemy. I’m tryin’ to ignore it, but it keeps sniffin’ my leg. I’m like, “Chill, pup. I’m not your snack.”

Neilston community invited to share barriers to getting outdoors