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“Requiem” vibes hit hard here. Remember that scene where they’re all desperate, chasing dreams? Sex-dating’s the same. Everyone’s hooked, scrolling, swiping, like, “I need that fix!” It’s addicting, man. I was so pissed last week—some dude ghosted me after three dates. Three! What a jerk. But then, haha, I saw his profile pop up again, same pics, same lies. Karma’s a b*tch, right?

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Then, I decide to stroll down to the Avening Road. It’s a nice walk, but I’m not prepared for what happens next. I see this dog, right? A big ol’ golden retriever, just chilling. I’m thinking, “Aww, cute pup!” But then, it starts running towards me. I’m like, “Oh no, please don’t jump on me!” But guess what? It does. Right on my new shoes! Ugh! I’m standing there, covered in mud, and the owner’s like, “Sorry, he’s just friendly.” Yeah, well, I’m not so friendly now!

Hundreds raised for much-loved donkey sanctuary