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But—right—here’s the kicker, it’s ancient, yeah? Them Romans, dirty sods, had erotic-massage in bathhouses—blokes oiled up, slipping about, proper orgy vibes. Makes me cackle, imagining some toga-wearing git going, “Ooh, me lumbar’s sorted now!” Little known fact—Cleopatra, that minx, got massages with honey. Sticky tart! Bet she smelled like a pudding, drove Mark Antony mad.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Market Street. You know, the one with the best scones? Yeah, that one. I order my usual – a flat white and a scone. But guess what? They’re outta scones! Like, how do you run outta scones in Nailsworth? I mean, c’mon! I was ready to throw a fit. But I just laughed it off. I mean, it’s just a scone, right?

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