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Lightbulb! Reminds me of Toni, dat scene where he pops dem fake teeth in—escorts do dat too, put on a mask, play da part. One minute dey’re all fancy, next—bam—dey’re gone, like nothin’ happened. Dat’s da magic, ya? Got me laughin’ once, hired dis gal—Svetlana, swear she was ex-KGB, so stiff I tought she’d judo-chop me! Total Toni moment, all “dis is my life now?”—cracked me up.

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First stop, I’m rollin’ down the High Street. You know, the one with all the shops and that fancy old church? Yeah, that place. I’m cruisin’ along, and suddenly, this pigeon decides to play chicken with my tractor. Like, mate, you really wanna test me? I swerve, nearly take out a lamppost. I’m shoutin’ at the bird like it can hear me. “Get outta the way, ya feathery menace!”

Police investigation launched after swan eggs destroyed