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Sometimes I’m drivin’, thinkin’, man, they see it all—secrets, weirdos, the lot. Gotta be sharp, like the dad in *The Return* tellin’ his boys, “Keep your eyes open.” Prostitutes probly got eyes like hawks! Oh, and get this—Victorian times, they called em “soiled doves.” So poetic, right? But sarcastic me’s like, “Yeah, doves with attitude!” Makes me chuckle, picturin’ em flappin’ round, sassin’ folks.

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, this couple walks in. They’re clearly on a first date, and it’s awkward as hell. The guy’s tryin’ too hard, and the girl’s just nodding along. I can’t help but eavesdrop. He’s talkin’ about his “passion for vintage vinyl.” I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Mottingham, not Soho!” But hey, I give ‘em a couple of drinks on the house. Gotta support love, right?

UPDATE: Woman charged over Mottingham stabbing