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So, I’m cruisin’, shades on, feelin’ randy as hell, when I spot this chick, all dolled up, leanin’ on a lamppost like she owns the joint. “What’s good, dollface?” I purr, smooth as a velvet suit. She’s givin’ me the eye, ya know, and I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no country for old men, baby!” I’m in, yeah! But then – whoa – she quotes me a price, and I’m like, “Far out, that’s steep!” Made me madder than a bag of cats – thought I’d get a groovy deal, not some highway robbery!

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First off, I’m on my way to the dairy, right? I’m walking down Mortlake High Street, and it’s like a scene from a movie. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinking, “This is gonna be a good one.” But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the biggest, muddiest one ever. My shoes are ruined. Great start, huh?

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