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Oi, precious! Me, a banderille-what? Nah, just Gollum, sneaky lil bugger. Sex-dating, eh? Nasty, twisty business! Like huntin’ in dark, slimy caves. Saw this app once—swipe, swipe, boom, bed! “Stupid, fat hobbit!”—they don’t see the trap. Met this lass, all giggles, then—ghosted! Made me mad, steamin’ mad! Reminds me o’ *The White Ribbon*—all proper-like, but rotten underneath. “What have we done to deserve it?”—hah, dat’s sex-dating, innit?

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Local Morley, UK singles looking to hookup, girls and boys, chat, parties and casual sex fun.

But then, outta nowhere, I get a text from another client. She’s having a meltdown before her big match. I mean, come on! Can’t a guy enjoy his strawberries in peace? So, I’m trying to calm her down while dodging people at the market. It’s like a scene from a movie.

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