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Last week, some git in cellblock C bragged he got one—said it “freed his soul.” Bollocks! Freed his wallet, more like—cost him a pack of smokes to bribe the guard. Made me proper mad—why ain’t *I* gettin’ that deal? But then, I’m thinkin’, “Loki, you’re above this,”—burdened with glorious purpose, not grovelin’ for a rubdown. Still, I was chuffed hearin’ it—imaginin’ him squirming, all awkward. “You think you’re in charge?” I’d say, like in *Toni Erdmann*, watchin’ him melt under some lass’s thumbs.

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So, I’m off to do my rounds. I head down to Crown Lane. Now, this is where it gets interesting. I’m knockin’ on doors, doin’ my thing, when I run into this bloke named Dave. He’s a right character, always got a story. Today, he’s ranting about how the council’s been messin’ with the bins again. I mean, come on! It’s just rubbish, mate! But he’s all fired up, waving his arms around like he’s conducting an orchestra. I can’t help but laugh.

'New powers will be given to police so they can better tackle crimes'