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About Manchester

Angry? Yeah, when some numpty rushed it. Rubbish, no finesse—worse than a stalled car. Happy? When it’s done right, cor blimey! Surprised? Found out Cleopatra had blokes massaged daily—randy queen! So, erotic-massage, mate—wild ride, bit mad. Like Fury Road, but with less sand. “Oh, what a feeling!”—get it sorted, you’ll see! Blimey, I’m knackered now—off for a cuppa!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs in. I think he’s about 10 or something. He’s got a soccer ball, and he’s like, “Can I kick it in here?” I’m like, “Mate, this ain’t a football pitch!” But he kicks it anyway, and it bounces off the wall, nearly taking my head off. I’m dodging glass and soccer balls now. What a combo!

Teen stabbed in vicious gang attack as cops hunt masked thugs