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Up on the ridge, saw this bloke once. Shifty eyes, boots caked in mud. Lookin’ for “company,” he says, winkin’. Mate, I nearly lost it—laughed so hard I choked. “A grand don’t grow on trees,” I hissed, quotin’ *25th Hour*. Spike Lee’d get it—desperation’s a helluva drug. This guy, tho, dumb as rocks. Thought he’d find a prossie at 8,000 feet! I mean, c’mon, altitude sickness ain’t sexy.

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First off, I’m strolling down the High Street, just vibin’. I’m thinking about grabbing a coffee at that cute little café, The Coffee Pot. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome scones? But nah, I’m not even halfway there when I trip over some random cobblestone. Like, who put that there? I’m pretty sure it was just waiting to ambush me. I’m all “Oof!” and people are staring. Great start, right?

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