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I get happy when they don’t rob me blind—simple joys, eh? Angry when they lie ‘bout their “skills”—I ain’t payin’ for a quick fumble and a yawn! Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but who cares? It’s my story, and I’m pissed, thrilled, all of it. You wanna find one? Look sharp, haggle hard, and don’t trust a smile—learned that the hard way. “I drink and I know things,” and mate, I know this game’s a messy, mad ride!

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Then, I decide to grab some fish and chips. I head to The Fish Bar on the corner of Victoria Road. The smell hits me like a freight train. I order the special, and it’s massive! I’m like, “Am I supposed to eat all this?” But it’s so good. I’m munching away, and I see this old couple next to me. They’re holding hands, and I’m like, “Aww, goals!”

Monifieth Rev Donald Fraser on raising a family in the church