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So, check it – I’s on these apps, yeah? Proper horny, lookin’ for a quick bang. But it’s bare weird, innit? You got blokes sendin’ dick pics like it’s a CV – no one asked, fam! Makes me vexed, like, “Is it ’cos I is black?” Nah, it’s ’cos they’s desperate! Then there’s the birds who say “no hookups” but still meet ya at 2 a.m. – bruv, what’s that about? Hypocrisy in the game, I swear down.

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Next, I head over to the Mitcham Library. I’m tryin’ to do some research for my job, ya know? The methodology of studying attractiveness in professions. Sounds fancy, huh? But the library’s closed! I’m fuming. Like, how can a library be closed in the middle of the day? I’m thinkin’, “What’s the point of livin’ in a town with no access to knowledge?”

Man charged after police seize guns, ammunition and cocaine in Mitcham