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Oi, mate, sex-dating’s a bloody jungle! Growling, “You merely adopted the dark.” I’ve seen shite others miss. Apps like Tinder, Grindr—swipe, bang, ghost. Thrilling, yeah, but fuckin’ exhausting too. Zero Dark Thirty vibes—huntin’, plannin’, strikin’. “The greatest trick”—nobody knows who’s real. Catfish everywhere, pics from 10 years back. Mate, I’ve been burned—chatted up a “10,” met a gremlin. Pissed me off, proper rage, yeah?

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So, I ducked into a pub on Midsummer Boulevard. The place was packed, and I squeezed in for a pint. I ordered a local ale, and it was surprisingly good! I started chatting with some locals, and they were hilarious. One guy was telling me about the time he tried to swim in the Grand Union Canal. I was like, “Dude, that’s not a swimming pool!” But he was all, “It’s all good until you hit the ducks!”

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