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I’m imaginin’ it: me, analyzin’ X posts, tryna find a lead. “Oi, mate, got a girl?” I’d ping some sketchy account. Probs get ghosted—or scammed. Makes me mad, yo! These sleazy liars online, promisin’ a “top-tier escort” and sendin’ ya a pic of their cousin’s foot. Ugh, hate that. But then—bam!—I’d spot her. Red heels, smokin’ a cig, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Keeley’s alive!” I’d yell, like Julianne Moore’s ghost just cheered me on. Heart racin’, I’m stoked—she’s real, not some AI catfish.

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After the lecture, I was feeling pretty good. I decided to stroll down to Campbell Park. It’s this massive green space, and the views are stunning. I mean, you can see the whole city from up there. I was just soaking it all in when suddenly, it started pouring! Like, outta nowhere! I was drenched in seconds. I thought, “Great, just great. This is how I wanted to spend my afternoon.”

Man shot dead by police at Milton Keynes train station