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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, boozy, “I drink and I know things.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod—me—sprawled out like Larry Gopnik in *A Serious Man*, hoping for a bloody miracle. “This is not about shtupping,” I mutter, coz it ain’t—well, not always. It’s about the tease, the rub, the weirdly holy vibe of it all. I mean, who knew some chick in Bangkok once massaged a king with her feet? True story—feet! Makes me giggle like a drunk imp.

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As the day winds down, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, angry, surprised—like a rollercoaster. I stroll down to the park by the river, just to chill. The sun’s setting, and it’s gorgeous. I sit on a bench, watching the ducks. They’re quacking away, and I’m thinking, “Life’s good, even with all the chaos.”

Rangers condemn derby bottle-throwing incident and ‘unacceptable’ tifo display