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Exaggeratin’? Maybe! Once matched this guy—profile said “6’5, ripped”—shows up, 5’2, beer gut. Screamed in my head, “Who sent this clown?!” Laughed tho, bought him a beer—sex-dating’s a dice roll, fam! Favorite part? The absurdity! People out here typin’ “DTF” like it’s a job app. Sarcasm on blast—I’m like, “Yeah, real soulmate material!” Oh, and this one time—girl said she’s “discreet”—brings a megaphone to the date! Yellin’ “I’M HORNY!” in Starbucks. Nearly died laughin’.

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We’re laughin’ about it, but then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” Dave’s crackin’ up, and I’m just fumin’. I mean, who does that? Seagulls in Milford Haven are like little thieves!

Shoplifter stole baguettes and crates of Stella Artois from Pembrokeshire shops