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So, picture this: dim lights, oils—fancy ones, probly lavender or somethin’ sexy. Hands slidin’, tension meltin’, and I’m like, “That’s what she said!” Haha, classic me! But srsly, it’s not creepy, ok? It’s legit—some places been doin’ it forever. Fun fact: ancient Greeks were into it! Called it “bodywork” or some junk—prolly naked too, those weirdos! Made me laugh thinkin’ bout it, like, “Yo, pass the olive oil!”

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But then, I notice one of the tourists is missing. I’m like, “Where’s the posh guy?” Panic mode activated! I run outside, and there he is, trying to take a selfie with a duck. A DUCK! I can’t even. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a duck, not a celebrity!” He’s all serious, “But it’s so cute!” I can’t help but laugh. Only in Mildenhall, right?

RAF Mildenhall hosts Whistleblower Protection brief