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So I’m muckin about, half-pissed, and this one lass goes, “50 quid, love!” I’m like, “50?! For what, a handshake?!” Total piss-take. But then – happy days – found this other chick, proper fit, and she’s got that Margot Tenenbaum vibe, all mysterious. “You’re a genius!” I slur, cos she knew the game, no faff. Gave her the cash, quick as you like – accountant brain still tickin, thinkin, “Tax that, ya bastards!”

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Finally, I hop on the bus, and it’s packed. I’m squished between a guy who smells like he’s just come from the gym and a lady with a million shopping bags. Classic. But I’m buzzing, thinking about the gig.

Full coverage of Tonbridge Angels vs Merstham game on Saturday 14th of September at 14:00 including match guide, data analysis, probability analysis, standings, previous meetings and form guide.