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Downside? STDs, man—grotty little buggers. Gotta wrap it up, or you’re toast. Heard a story—mate o’ mine got the clap from a one-nighter, cried like a baby. “This is my life now,” he moaned—straight outta the movie! Protect your pecker, lads—serious biz.

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First off, I had a massive order for pork pies. Yeah, the famous Melton Mowbray pork pies. Everyone loves ‘em, and I’m the guy they come to. So, I’m mixing the meat, spices, and all that jazz. I’m humming away, thinking I’m the next big thing in baking. Then, boom! The power goes out. Just like that. I’m standing there in the dark, flour on my face, like a ghost from the past.

'They need to stop, think again and scrap this cruel and unnecessary family farm tax'